My family (like most of China at this time,) were poor, and had to borrow money to immigrate over to Canada. Luckily, 2 of my uncles had already come over so having that support was extremely helpful but growing up as a Third Culture Kid is never easy.
My parents had to work extremely hard to get jobs and make money in a country where they didn’t even speak the language. They not only had to provide for my older sister and me, they had to also take care of both my grandmothers with whom they brought with them from China and less than two years later, my younger sister too.
As a newly immigrated family, there were a lot of hurdles. I recall barely seeing my parents, as my dad worked two jobs and my mom worked split shifts as a waitress at a Chinese restaurant. When my mom was home, she tried her best to help out around the house, frantically cooking and cleaning. My dad was exhausted by the time he got home from work, so we sat mainly, ate dinner around the kitchen table and then watched the only 2 Chinese channels that were available at the time. Our family didn’t talk much, especially not about our feelings or how we were dealing with all the changes in our lives.
I didn’t know this at the time, but there was a power struggle between my dad’s mom and my own mom. My grandmother had lived through the fall of the imperial empire and the change over to communism in China. Before the fall, my dad’s family was upper middle class and my mom’s family was lower class, so my grandmother never really accepted my mom. To add to this, in Chinese culture, my grandmother is supposed to be the head of the household, but in Canada, she lived in my mom’s house, so needless to say, there was a lot of change and resistance that the matriarchy in my family was dealing with. I experienced the fallout within our own household, but as a child who did not understand the intricacies of what was happening or the childhood trauma it would cause until much later in life.
In my 30s I realized that I prefer to be single. I wasn’t sure why, I just knew I liked myself more. It wasn’t until I started dating my best friend that I realized I was codependent. It was the most wonderful revelation I had, because I could name the problem and therefore I can create a strategy to overcome it.
I listened to podcasts, read articles and books on codependency and childhood trauma. I began practicing mindful meditation and yoga and joined therapy for the first time in my life. I started silencing my inner critic and got back in touch with my spiritual and creative side. I started doing art, creating crafts, and reading tarot again. My empathetic nature always helped those around me, which I loved, but I didn’t know how to draw boundaries and would drain away all my energy helping others leaving nothing for myself. Now I recognize when this is happening and am able to voice my needs and those I am helping understand.
For years I had been entertaining the idea of becoming a life coach, and going through all these self realizations and I finally had the courage to pursue my certification. Finding my voice has been hard and some days it’s still a struggle, but I am work through it and live in the now.
I started to come back alive and because I did this work, I am able to pursue a path that gives me fulfillment, happiness and contentment. Are you willing to put in the work to find what you want in life? I can help you with that 😉